My guest blogger this month is Dr Sonia McManus, owner of Dreamweavers Life Coaching.  Sonia has been helping many of us get through the trauma of the most recent earthquake in Christchurch where Cantabrians have been referred to as being “resilient” but what does that really mean?  Sonia explains nicely in this article.

A lot of people have been asking me about Resilience lately.  They seem to understand the difference that I put forward in my last post between bouncing back compared to springing forward.  They also understand that, given a choice, most of us would rather be travelling along the spiral staircase of life making choices rather than feeling like the stuck rat on the wheel. But the question I keep getting asked is ‘how to I become more resilient’?  I want to share with you some of the key attributes I feel are important on the pathway to understanding what it is to be resilient.

Awareness: Awareness is to look closely at who we think we are, honestly and without attachment. It begins in the mind, but true awakening can only happen in our hearts.  Awareness includes the light and also the shadow; that part of ourselves that we don’t want other people to see – the bits that we are most afraid and ashamed of.

Perspective: As we become more aware of who we truly are, we look at our past, present and future differently; everything that has gone before has led to this point in our lives.  We also understand that we have choice and this can change our perspectives dramatically. We realise that, although we can’t control other people or many of the circumstances we find ourselves in, we do have choice over how we respond.

Letting Go:  Resilient people have a deeply held understanding that to move forward they need to let go of what came before.  This is not the same as rejecting the past; rather it is seeing the gifts it offers for our future knowing the future is not defined by the past unless we choose.

Gratitude: Gratitude is the act of accepting and offering thanks for what you have.  When we are grateful we are saying that we accept what we have right now.  And in doing this our sense of ‘good and bad’ changes because everything is perfect in this moment.  It is the simple things that we tend to overlook and take for granted, and which then have the most meaning.

Humour: As you laugh, when you get into that deep belly wobbling place, you are totally present with now.  You certainly can’t be worrying about tomorrow or feeling guilty for yesterday. Resilient people do not wallow in life’s dramas.  That is not to say they are unaffected, however.  But their perspective allows them the grace to laugh at themselves and see a different side of their situation.

Connection: The connection that we feel with someone or something or some place is vital. If it is not possible to connect with another person we are very resourceful in finding something else to connect to – animals, places, energy, spirit.  Regardless of what it is you find to connect to, connection is part of who we are.

Forgiveness: Forgiveness begins with self.  Forgiveness is about not playing the blame game and choosing not to be a victim – it’s not about simply kissing and making up.  Resilient people know that they must be open to hurt in order to be free of the past.  Forgiveness therefore is not a decision that you make.  Instead it is an attribute of our true selves, and it begins with having the grace to forgive ourselves.

Acceptance: One of the most telling observations that I have made with regard to resilience and people is this:  many people gain awareness, but awareness alone does not make one resilient.  There is also a need for acceptance.  Until you reconcile a deep self-awareness and choose to see the gifts in life, you will remain a victim to whatever you feel life has thrown at you.

Agility: Agility is being adaptable to changed circumstances as they arise.  I see agility a bit like a boat at sea.  In a storm if the boat is anchored it can quickly become swamped because it cannot easily move upon the waves.  But if the boat is free to float, it can better weather the storms that it encounters and it there is choice in where the sail is set to.

Creativity: Creative solutions can come to us in a flash, but typically they are born outside of the thinking mind.  Many great artists, scientists, inventors have awoken from their sleep with novel answers to problems they had given up on previously.  It is in the space between our thoughts and our spirit where creativity lies.

Intention: At the centre sits intention as the truth of who we really are, where all of the roles we play fall away and where we let go of our attachments.  For most people intention is that little spot inside us that we know is there but we have no words to describe. Intention offers us all we need to be happy in the world.  Our intention is something that has always been there and which drives us even when we do not realise we are being driven.

Resilience is a multi faceted thing and it is not the same for every one of us.  But these attributes are universal.  Although many people believe that resilience only comes about in times of stress and adversity, I believe that it is inherent in all of us.  And we can build resilience into our every day lives.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart”

Helen Keller